


Winter's Promise

by pherryt



Series: New Bucky Barnes Bingo [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: (p.s. the not a happy ending tag is temporary since there is more story coming), Angst, Brief Torture, Canon Compliant, Capture, Cuddling, Domestic, Fluff, Hunting, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra, Implied Smut, M/M, Memory Issues, Multi, Not A Happy Ending, Pre-Canon, Promises, Sacrifices, Stranded by weather, Temporary Character Deaths, bed sharing, established nicky/joe, haircut, polyship, rescued by strangers, some violence, supportive nicky and joe, touchstarved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Just because dying doesn't stick doesn't mean getting lost in a snow storm and the ensuing hypothermia is pleasant.Thankfully, the handsome stranger with memory problems who found Nicky hasn't cottoned on to the fact that Nicky maybe died a few times before being brought in from the cold.Only problem is - where is Joe?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/ joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nick | Nicolo di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: New Bucky Barnes Bingo [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686778
Comments: 67
Kudos: 108
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Reverse Prompt Challenge





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a bigger work but can be read alone. This story is completed, just going through clean up before posting, so it'll be going up in chapters
> 
> Written and inspired by the moodboard from the Reverse Prompt Blog. When i couldn't decide if i should write Old Guard or Bucky Barnes i said, fuck it - let's combine them! The entire series will be part of the moodboard inspiration.
> 
> Setting Notes: This is supposed to be in the past for Joe and Nicky in regards to the movie, no specific year, but closer to WW2 than not. I randomly picked Romania (because Bucky has connections there storywise) but since they're in the middle of nowhwere, its all a vague handwavy deal. YES i did try to do some research of the location and timeframe but me and google have never gotten along when it comes to searches so... *Crossing fingers*
> 
> Also, i used google translate for some language, my apologies in advance if anything is wrong!
> 
> THANK YOU to [Vexbatch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vexbatch) For the beta and all the cheering on!  
> THANK YOU to [red-is-not-my-colour](https://red-is-not-my-colour.tumblr.com/) For the Beautiful Moodboard made for the [Reverse Prompt Blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reverseprompts)

It had been a freak snowstorm that caught Nicky and Joe unawares.

They’d been looking for a breather, just the two of them, and it wasn’t like they had much to fear from the weather – survivability wise, at any rate. But it had interfered with the traveling plans at a time when it was too late to turn back and unwise to stay put. The old clunker of a car had died on the deserted road, and they might be able to survive the cold and incipient hypothermia, but if someone else uncovered them between death and life, it could definitely get awkward.

So they pressed on, making for the vague promise of cozy warmth and delicious food, the comfort of each other’s arms and sweet words, all while looking for temporary shelter.

But then night fell, and visibility went from poor to impossible, Nicky’s fingers went numb and he stopped feeling Joe's fingers in his, until he realized, suddenly, that he couldn’t see or feel Joe at all. He panicked, spinning around, hoping Joe was just a few feet to the side of him. He shouted, but the wind of the blizzard whipped his words away from him and Nicky stumbled on, now searching for Joe in every snow drift he could find.

There were many.

Nicky knew Joe would be okay, in the end, but they’d been alive a long damn time and who knew when that could end. Hopefully, if it did, they’d go together, but life wasn’t always so fair.

Look at Andy and Quynh. He and Joe – god, but Nicky knew they’d been lucky. But one day, that luck was bound to run out.

Nicky was slowing down, the cold catching up to him, in that way he knew was most dangerous – when it no longer felt cold, but like he could use a good…

Long…

Nap….

* * *

Nicky woke up in a bare bones cabin, covered in blankets on a couch by a roaring fire. It took him a moment to become truly aware of anything as the warmth seeped into his bones, until he jerked upright, tangling in the blankets as he stared around the cabin.

“Joe?” he called. Had Joe found them shelter and come back to get him? It made the most sense. “Joe?” he called, louder, wondering why Joe hadn’t been right  _ there _ , why Joe hadn’t even  _ answered him. _

"Easy, pal," a man said, his voice gruff, a little croaky. "I just saved your life. Any longer, and you'd have died of hypothermia."

_ Probably did, _ Nicky thought almost hysterically as his brain tried to process that this  _ wasn’t  _ Joe. A few times or a lot, he'd lost count, actually. That was the danger of the cold, how it could pull you under, how near the end it doesn't even feel like dying, it feels like falling asleep.

Was Joe still out there?

He struggled to get up off the dilapidated couch – it had certainly seen better days, but Nicky'd had worse. "Where's Joe? Did you just leave him out there to die?"

Not that he could, really, not permanently, but there was always the chance that maybe this time... this time could be that one time. It only took one time. And Nicky was here, safe and warm and Joe... he had to find Joe.

"I didn't see anybody else," the man said. The voice already sounded a little less croaky, like he hadn't spoken in weeks, months or even longer and was finally putting it to use .

The stranger stepped into Nicky’s view, finally, giving him a good look. Shaggy hair, not exactly short, with gray blue eyes, and a decent amount of scruff – Nicky always loved the feel of Joe’s beard across his skin. The man was wearing a cable sweater thick enough to hide his build and a pair of black pants. It was all very casual looking – except for the metal hand and the well worn army style boots he wore.

What had he gotten into? Who was this guy? Where were Nicky’s weapons?

Nicky blinked at the stranger holding out a mug, steam rising from it. “Drink, you need to warm up.”

“I’m plenty warm,” Nicky snapped. He didn’t mean to be rude, but... “I need to find Joe.” He looked around for his things, spotted his boots and bags (and his sword) by the door, and headed that way  with single minded intent, ignoring the proffered mug.

"Hey, pal, that's some way to repay my help, by going straight back out there again. You lookin' to die?"

Nicky glared at the man who'd stepped between him and the door. "My life is not worth living if Joe is not beside me throughout it."

This answer seemed to throw the man who'd seemingly rescued Nicky. He was shorter than Nicky but bulkier, and he held his body oddly, like one side was weighing him down. His hair was past shoulder length and unkempt, his face holding a fair amount of scruff. His clothes were solid but plain, and there was a wariness about him that was putting Nicky on edge.

"I'm going to find Joe, and you're not going to stop me," Nicky said evenly, putting steel and resolve into his voice.

The man stared at him for a long moment and Nicky thought he'd actually have to shove him aside before the man sighed and stepped out of the way, though he held out a hand.

"If you're going to be stupid enough to go out there, at least be smart enough to be prepared for it," he said. "And I’m coming with you."

"Why?"

"Because it feels a shame to let the one good deed I can remember doing go to waste when you go back out there and succumb to the cold once more."

"Like you won't?" Nicky scoffed. Cause this guy wasn't wrong, but it's not like it would take, exactly.

“Here, drink this before we go anywhere,” the man said, trying to hand him the mug again. Nicky eyed him and it suspiciously, but he felt like he’d grown to be a good judge of character over the years and finally, he accepted the drink.

“My… apologies. I’m simply worried for my… for Joe.” Admitting what he and Joe were to each other could be dangerous in the wrong company, and this man had been kind enough to offer Nicky his hospitality. He took a sip of the tea, black and plain with a hint of lemon, feeling it warm his insides a little faster. “I’m Nicky.”

A look passed over the other man’s face, something almost lost, before it shuttered way again. Nicky almost shivered. The other man was too good at that, his face closing down. But his eyes told the real story. He was lost  _ and  _ scared. “I’ll… find you some dry boots, a warm coat. Yours are soaked.”

He’d taken two steps away from the door when something heavy hit the other side, and then smaller thunks in rapid succession. Nicky nearly leaped forward to yank the door open, while the other man had gone on the defensive instantly, a knife and a gun appearing out of nowhere.

Well, the thought that this guy was more than what he seemed was certainly bearing some fruit, Nicky thought as Joe fell into his arms when the door opened to him leaning on it, covered in snow.

Instantly, Nicky was pulling him in close, through the door and breathing out, “Joe,” with immense relief. Then the other man, still nameless, was there, effortlessly picking Joe up and bringing him to the couch. Already, Nicky could see Joe reviving from the cold, even as the other man left Joe to Nicky and returned to the kitchen – presumably for more tea.

“Thank god, my love,” Nicky said, cradling Joe’s face in his hands. “You had me worried.”

“There was no need for that, habibi,” Joe said, reaching for Nicky’s hands with his ice cold ones. “I will always return to you. Nothing will ever come between us, for nothing will ever be strong enough to sever the ties that bind us together.”

Nicky felt warmth spread through him at Joe’s words. After all this time, Nicky didn’t think his love for Joe could grow greater but it always seemed to do just that. He eased Joe out of the wet clothes and into warmer, dry ones that the other man set beside them on the arm of the couch, a towel laying just on top before retreating to give them privacy.

When Joe was dried off, redressed and huddled in the blankets, curled against Nicky on the couch, the man returned – this time with  _ two  _ mugs that he handed them directly before returning with two bowls and a couple of spoons. Stew, Nicky saw. Simple, but hearty looking.

“I… I don’t know if it’s any good,” the man admitted. “But it hasn’t killed me yet and the two of you must be hungry.”

“Famished,” Joe admitted.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Nicky said, picking up the stew and taking a first taste. It was, as he’d thought, very plain and simple. Not much flavor, maybe, but it wasn’t bad either. It was meat, potatoes, carrots and onions. Bread would have been perfect with it, but maybe the other man didn’t know how to make it. “Mmm… it’s fine. Filling, too,” Nicky went on after a few more bites.

The other man relaxed, slouching back into the chair beside the couch.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Joe asked.

The man shook his head. “Already ate.”

“So, you’ve met Nicky, and I’m Joe. What’s your name?” Joe asked.

The other man froze, eyes darting away and that lost, scared look was back on his face. “I… I don’t have one.”

Nicky and Joe exchanged looks. “Everyone has a name,” Nicky pointed out.

The man’s eyes went blank. “Weapons don’t have names.” All accent, all tone and inflection, was gone from his voice and Nicky felt sick. He put the bowl down on the table, suddenly unable to eat any more.

“Actually,” Joe said around a mouthful of stew, “that’s not true. It’s a historical fact that  _ some  _ weapons  _ do  _ have names. Haven’t you ever heard of Excalibur?”

The man blinked and shook his head and when he spoke, that slight accent had returned. ”Excalibur?” he asked, head tilting a little, eyes squinting up at the ceiling and his tongue poking out thoughtfully.  It was as endearing and warming a sight to see, as the dead reaction just before it had not been, causing chills to run down Nicky’s spine. “No, I don’t think so.”

“If you don’t have a name, what do you want us to call you?” Nicky asked.

The man stood abruptly, shaking his head again. “Nothing. I don’t deserve one.” He walked away from them, far too quiet in shoes like that, grabbing up a coat and slipping out the door.

“Hmmm, now… what do you make of that?” Nicky asked.

“Hmm… could do with a few of your spices,” Joe answered absently. Nicky turned to look at him, to point out that’s not what he meant, but Joe’s eyes were also on the door their host had just left out of.

There was something very off here, and it wasn’t them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a stylistic choice that i hope isn't too hard on the eyes? Whenever Joe and Nicky converse and it's not english, I used single quotes instead of regular, and i put it in italics?  
> Please, let me know!!! For the most part, when it's just little words here and there, i just sprinkle it in and hope google translate did the job right, but for an entire conversation, i didn't want people to worry about translating (or the right translations)
> 
> Also, this fills the "Winter is Coming" K2 Square on my Bucky Barnes Bingo - probably NOT how they meant it, but it works, right?

Their host returned a few hours later, looking none the worse for wear for his trek outside. Joe and Nicky had both thought about going after him, but a look out the window had shown the storm had died down and that he hadn’t gone far at all. He was, in fact, splitting wood.

With his bare hands.

From the color of the sky, Nicky estimated that he and Joe had been wandering through the storm the entire night, both of them unknowingly heading in the direction of this cabin.  It may well have been the one they’d intended to use, having arranged to rent a place from someone who wished an eye kept on the home during the winter months, except that someone was already there.

Then again, Nicky suspected this wasn’t James’s place either.

They busied themselves by laying their clothes out by the fire to dry, then adding a few spices to the stew. Nicky searched the cupboards to see if he could make bread to go with it. It turned out he could, and the smell of baking bread soon permeated the cabin. Joe kept him company, trading soft kisses and wrapping his arms around Nicky from behind as he baked. It was all very,  _ very _ domestic, and a much-needed bit of time away. And if it weren’t for the fact that they  _ weren’t _ actually alone, it could have been their planned-for getaway.

Still, it was a pleasant time. They talked of their host, his odd behavior, his metal hand, his lack of a name, and the fact that he seemed familiar in some way. But Nicky and Joe had met so many people over their many years, it was hard to tell.

By the time their host came back, the sky was changing colors as the sun set, painting such beautiful sights over the snow causing Nicky to muse about getting Joe some new paints.

The man knocked the snow off his boots, hung up his coat, then ladled himself out some more stew that had been left warming on the cookstove while he was out. He paused when he noticed the bread, just off to the side of it, then cut himself off a piece of that as well. He settled himself at the table in the kitchen, as far from them as he could get within the small confines of the cabin, and tucked into the food.

Nicky couldn’t help the grin as he listened and heard the man letting out a surprised and pleased hum at the first taste of the stew with spices added in, and the way the man’s eyes closed and his lips curled after he bit into the bread.

When he finished, he stood with a sigh, washed his dish and then turned to face them, leaning against the counter. Crossing his arms, tucking the metal one out of sight, the man said,

“There’s only one room, and since the two of you are still recovering from getting lost in the snow, I think you should have it.”

“We don’t want to put you out,” Nicky said. “You’ve already done so much.”

The other man looked uncomfortable. “It’s fine. It’s… the least I can do.”

“For some, being saved from death would not be the least a person can do,” Joe pointed out. “Nor do I think you will fit on this couch.”

That brought out a snort of amusement from the other man, a little twinkle briefly appearing in his eyes. It was a good look on him, Nicky thought.

“If  _ I  _ won’t fit, then  _ both _ of you are out of luck. Ain’t no way that thing’s big enough for both of you.”

Beside Nicky, Joe had frozen, and Nicky knew he was getting ready, just in case. This wouldn’t be the first time someone had taken offense at their audacity to love each other. The man sighed and rolled his eyes, some of the tension leaking out of his shoulders. “I heard you and honestly, I don’t care. Just take the goddamned bed.”

So…

They take the goddamn bed.

* * *

It is certainly not a hardship, taking the bed, though they feel a little guilty about the way they’ve pushed their guest out. But he insisted and it gave them privacy, even if he’d said he was okay with them being themselves. Still, the day had been an exhausting one, Nicky still unsure how often he died before he’d been rescued, and the two of them simply fall asleep, curled in each other. Nicky loves the way Joe wraps around him, and he dropped off quickly, content in the knowledge that they’re  _ both  _ safe.

The morning brought new energy and Nicky was perhaps not so quiet as he could be when Joe took him apart, but he didn’t even think about that, till they came out for breakfast and they both caught a blushing, yearning glance before their host turned away, busying himself with breakfast.

Nicky dared a kiss for Joe before breaking away and joining their host to help.

“You don’t have to,” the man said, looking away, his face still red. It was adorable.

“I like to cook,” Nicky answered. “Let me help.”

“Okay.” The word is a whisper, something lost and hopeful that tugged on Nicky, and he gave Joe a questioning look. Joe shrugged, as if to say he saw it too and didn’t understand either. Instead, he wandered through the cabin, drawn to the bookcases, where he looked like he was perusing the books.  It took some time of working together before the other man's shoulders started to relax,  his whole bearing changing into something a little more easy, a little more natural .

“We’ve been thinking, about your name,” Joe said,  looking up from the book he had settled down with at the table – and the man  _ froze _ , a knife poised in midair over a potato. “We need to call you  _ something _ . Unless you have any better ideas, we were thinking of calling you James. You remind us of a James we once knew.”

“Did… you know him well?” the man asked.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Nicky said gently. “Knew is an overstatement. We were in the same circles, knew some of the same people. We saw him in passing, once or twice, but Joe’s got a good memory for faces.”

The knife resumed cutting as Nicky warmed some oil in a pan. Three potatoes later, he said, “I think… James is fine.”

Nicky grinned at him. “James it is, then.”

And James answered him with a hesitant smile of his own. Together, they made hash browns before turning to make eggs to go with, Joe setting out plates and glasses. Soon enough, the three of them are gathered at the small table, sharing a meal in comfortable silence and – between Joe and Nicky anyway – soft gazes. Nicky grinned, looking up at Joe coyly when Joe reached out under the table with his foot, just tapping his against Nicky’s.

They are neither of them so lost in each other that they miss the look James’s face took on, the same lost and yearning one they’d seen a little earlier. He glanced down and away, and finished his food in silence before pushing away from the table.

Wary of how sharp James’s ears proved to be the night before, Nicky and Joe have a quiet,  nearly wordless conversation, sprinkled with words so ancient the only tongues they’ve fallen from in more than recent memory had been theirs.

_ ‘Do you think something bad has happened to him?’ _

_ ‘I think, yes,’  _ Joe agreed _. ‘I wonder when was the last time he had a kind word or soft touch. I wonder if he has anyone – any family, friends, somebody to love. Or if they’ve all been torn away from him. I wonder… who treated him badly and who took from him everything he once was. I wonder how he got here, in this state.’ _

_ ‘Can we help him, do you think?’ _

Joe looked at Nicky consideringly, reaching across the table to take Nicky’s hand, rubbing his thumb over Nicky’s skin _. ‘I think if anyone can, it’d be the man I love, the man with the selfless heart, my Nicolo.’ _

Nicky smiled at Joe, pulling their joined hands up together and pressing the back of Joe’s hand to his cheek.  _ ‘You _ **_are_ ** _ my heart, Yusuf.’ _

The fond look that Joe sent Nicky’s way is enough for Nicky to want to drag Joe back to bed, where they can worship each other as they deserve. But instead, he stood up, collected his and Joe’s dishes and approached James at the sink. He leaned forward, allowing his shoulder to brush against James as he placed their dirty dishes in the sink and noted both how James tensed up – and leaned briefly into the contact, his eyes closing before he pulled himself away with a sharp breath.

Touch starved, Nicky realized sadly, just as Joe had surmised.

* * *

The day proceeded much like that as they worked around each other in the small space. Joe offered to help James bring in the wood he’d ‘chopped’ the day before and Nicky watched through the window as Joe made sure to brush their hands together as they passed the logs to each other until eventually, James stopped flinching at each touch.

Nicky looked at the sky and frowned, stepping onto the porch. “Joe, I think it’s going to snow again.”

Joe looked up as well. “Winter is coming. It is a good thing we have no plans we need to see to.”

James froze once more, but this time no one had been touching him and it seemed a bit more panicked. Nicky watched as Joe dropped the wood he’d held and grabbed James’s shoulders instead. James was breathing hard, shaking and backing away and Joe was saying something – Nicky knew not what, but if anyone could calm James, it’d be his Joe.

Eventually, Joe managed to coax James inside and to the couch where Nicky hurried to drape a blanket around his shoulders, then rushed back to the kitchen to put on the kettle. James was still shaking but it was a little less.

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked. “Let us help, as you have helped us.”

James shook his head jerkily. “You can’t. No one can help me. Stevie’s gone; they all think I’m dead. I might as well be.”

“What are you running from?” Nicky asked gently, perching on the edge of the couch, angling to face James.

Hesitating, James bit his lips, and then pursed them tight, closing his eyes. He sat ramrod straight, the blanket slipping off his shoulders. He was barely breathing and his hands were laid out on his thighs, fingers gripping tightly, flexing in what had to be a most painful way.

He sat that way the rest of the day, staring blankly at the wall, neither speaking or reacting in any way to the things they said. Finally, they withdrew, deciding it best to just wait him out, give him time.

It was over dinner – reheated stew – that Joe said, “Maybe we should leave? What if we’re not helping?”

“We can’t just leave him here like this, alone,” Nicky protested.

Joe sighed. “The point is moot, anyway.” He nodded at the window. Nicky twisted to see it, to see snow falling thickly past it and picking up. Looked like he’d been right about the snow.

“So, we’re staying?” Nicky said with relief.

“We’re staying,” Joe agreed, but he didn’t sound too happy about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta knows i art and is pointing at a part right in the beginning of this chapter and trying to get me to draw it - any guesses on which part? :D

They retreated to the bedroom well before night, unable to take the blank stare of James any longer. It had unnerved something in them, though, and their lovemaking that night was a little more desperate than it had been that morning, as if both of them craved a reassurance that the other was  _ right there _ .

Afterwards, Nicky fell asleep with Joe reading to him, a hand carding through his hair. He woke a short time later to a scream, both of them rolling out of bed in an instant, weapons at hand as they burst through their door into the main cabin, buck naked.

James was curled in on himself on the couch, bent over double, but there was no one else there. Without thinking, Nicky dropped his sword and rushed to his side, dropping to his knees and placing his hands over James’s where they clutched at his head.

“No, no, no, make it stop! I don’t want to do your dirty work, don’t want to kill for you,” James sobbed. “Don’t put me back in the chair, please.”

“James, you’re safe,” Nicky said. “It’s just me and Joe here. You’re safe.” He tugged lightly at James’s hands, tried to get him to look up, to see who was there, bring him back from wherever his mind had taken him, but then James surged forward with a growl and Nicky found himself on his back.

He gasped at the hand that clutched at his throat, getting tighter. “James-!” he croaked.

“Nicky!” Joe shouted.

For a second, maybe more, that metal hand grew tighter, black spots beginning to appear and Nicky’s instincts were warring within him. He could break the hold, easily, wrap his legs around James and flip him, but it would almost inevitably draw James deeper down whatever rabbithole had opened in his mind, and Nicky would have to fight, and Joe would join in and James - 

James would probably not fair well, in the end, and Nicky could see that it  _ wasn’t  _ James staring down at him -

And then James’s eyes seemed to clear and he threw himself away, back colliding with the couch, taking away the need for Nicky to act.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his face horrified. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,sorrysorrysorry…” he clutched at his head but his eyes didn’t leave Nicky. They were stricken and filled with tears. Nicky coughed, rubbing at his throat even as Joe helped him sit up.

Joe was glaring at James.

Nicky pulled his hand away from his throat and placed it on Joe’s arm. “It’s okay. I’m okay, Joe. It was an accident.”

Joe tore his eyes away from James to look down at Nicky. ‘ _ He hurt you, Nicolo.’ _

_ ‘Did you not see him, Yusuf? He was not himself. He was lost…’ _

Joe closed his eyes and bumped their heads together, then staying _. ‘I will never like seeing you hurt.’ _

There was a gasp and a shuffle, and a shadow falling on them. Joe and Nicky separated enough to see James had crawled over to them, eyes wide. His hand – not the metal one, Nicky was relieved to note – had reached out, then pulled back.

“Are you like me?” James whispered.

“I don’t  _ think  _ so,” Nicky said slowly, because James  _ wasn’t  _ immortal. They’d have known if he was, but  _ he _ had to have seen how Nicky’s throat didn’t show any evidence of damage. He’d have questions. But so did they. “What are you?”

“I don’t know,” James said, his voice small and choked. “I am what they made me.”

“Who are  _ they _ , James?” Joe asked, his voice deceptively soft. It was the sort of voice Nicky knew promised violence.

“HYDRA.”

Nicky inhaled. HYDRA had been a bane of their existence for centuries. Always rising and falling, going into hiding so deep you would think they were gone at last. And then they’d be back again, inciting some of the worst depravities of mankind. Their latest incarnation had been during World War II and with the advancements of technology, HYDRA (who always seemed to be ahead of the curve to start) had been particularly vicious this time around.

Nicky, Joe, Andy and Booker could only do so much in a war that took place nearly _everywhere._ They had done a lot of good, but not enough. But others had stepped up to the task – the SSR, along with Captain America and the Howling Commandos, had been a very, _very_ beneficial thorn in HYDRA’s side.

They’d thought HYDRA might have finally been wiped off the map after those last engagements with Captain America. It had been a relief, because fighting HYDRA was always a risk. If they discovered that Nicky and the others couldn’t die… what would they do with that knowledge?

“And who were you before?” Joe asked gently.

“I don’t remember,” James said, looking s o lost it made Nicky ache even more for the other man. It filled those beautiful, gray blue eyes of his, spreading out over his face and shuddering through his whole body. “I-I-I don’t… I don’t remember… but I got away and I won’t go back!”  The words brought with them steel, a flare of determination that looked better on James than the fear. A glimpse, Nicky thought, of the core of James, something HYDRA had not been able to steal away after all, whatever else they'd done to him.

_ “Joe,” _ Nicky breathed, looking at his husband imploringly. Joe sighed in a way that Nicky knew meant his protective streak had grown to include another.

“We will not let them take you back,” Joe said.

James shook his head. “No one can promise that. I think… I think this isn’t the first time I got away. They’ll come after me, and they won’t care who they hurt to get me back.”

“HYDRA might find that a little harder than they expect if they try,” Joe said fervently. He reached out a hand, clasping James’s shoulder and James looked up at him, eyes wide and wet.

“Why?” James asked plaintively. “I hurt Nicky, your fella. Why would you be so kind to me? Either of you?”

Nicky pushed himself up to look into James’s eyes, putting his hand on James’s other shoulder. “Because it was not you. It was a nightmare. We have all been there, lost in the violence of our pasts.”

James fell forward with a short, keening cry, his head catching on their shoulders, but he didn’t reach out, his arms wrapped about himself. Nicky caught Joe’s eye, raised a brow and nodded toward the room and Joe nodded back.

“Come, let’s not think about this right now,” Nicky said. “You need to sleep and the bed is more than big enough for all of us. I find that Joe’s presence often chases my bad dreams away. Let us try to do the same for you.”

“Even if it does not work,” Joe broke in, “You can, perhaps, rest a little easier knowing we watch your back. What do you say, hmm?”

James nodded jerkily and they helped him to stand, guiding him to the bedroom. Joe turned on the lamp and fixed the bedclothes while Nicky tapped James’s shoulder. “You do not have to strip, my friend, but a few less clothes  _ may _ be more comfortable.”

Fabric flew at Nicky and he snapped at it reflexively, catching it out of the air, giving both Joe and James a wry little grin when he saw what it was. “And, I suppose, for your comfort, Joe and I could stand to put a few on…

James was pretty when he blushed, Nicky thought. Joe quirked a small smile at him and Nicky knew he was thinking the same thing.

Joe covered himself, settling on his usual side of the bed and already turning to face inwards as Nicky followed suit. James hesitantly tugged at his shirt, eyes flicking between them, and the light. Joe clicked it off, the room illuminated now only by the soft glow of the fire coming through the mostly open door.

They hadn’t closed it, not wanting James to feel trapped. Speaking of which…

“Do you want to be in the middle or would you prefer that I am?” Nicky asked, feeling as if he knew what the answer would be. As much trust as James was showing by entertaining this idea at all, it would probably take time to build enough of it to essentially trap him in the bed.

“You,” James said quietly.

“All right,” Nicky said softly. “Join us when you feel ready.” He climbed into the bed, settling his back against Joe and feeling his body relax instantly as Joe wrapped an arm around him.

He opened his eyes to see James watching them. Nicky held out his hand and James shuffled forward hesitantly, visibly steeled himself, then took Nicky’s hand, the touch so tentative it broke Nicky’s heart. Joe gave Nicky’s middle a squeeze and Nicky knew Joe had seen it too. Carefully, Nicky slowly drew James onto the bed and James at first lay on his back, stiff as a board.

“Roll over,” Nicky murmured, “Face away and tuck back, yes, that’s it.” He draped an arm around James loosely, not fully around but letting the weight settle over his side. “How’s that feel?” he asked as Joe pulled the blankets up over them all.

“Good,” James breathed, surprise clear in his voice. “It… it feels good.”

“I’m glad,” Nicky said with a yawn, his head falling forward to rest on the back of James’ neck. “Sleep now.”

Behind him, Joe chuckled, but then all sounds except for their breathing ceased, and even that slowed as one by one they fell asleep.

* * *

The night was mostly uneventful after that. James would twitch and tighten in his sleep and Nicky would rouse enough to murmur in his ear - tired enough he wasn't even sure he was speaking a language the other man could understand but hopeful the tone would make up for it - and run a soothing hand over his arm. Eventually James’s breathing would even out, his muscles would relax and Nicky would doze again, Joe tight against his back, lips pressed into his neck.

When Nicky woke in the morning, James had already left the bed, but he hadn't gotten far - as quiet as he was, Nicky and Joe were still both light sleepers, a natural thing after so long of going into fights and wars, of having to stay alert. James’s waking had caused them to stir, but it was a drowsy, slow thing.

James was redressing, nearly a silhouette against the dawn light coming through the window. Nicky couldn't be sure, at that angle and in the still dark room, but he thought that metal hand of James extended the whole length of his arm. It was a curiosity, but not one he was sure he should ask about.

Maybe the man had lost his arm; how was really none of their business, but a replacement arm that worked so fluidly? If it hadn't been for the shine of it, if it hadn't been uncovered, Nicky would never have known. It was fascinating how quickly the modern day was progressing. Nicky could no longer even be sure what could and couldn't be done.

"Is it heavy?" he asked without thinking. So much for not his business. He’d blame it on no coffee. He certainly couldn’t blame it on lack of sleep.

James froze in the act of pulling on his shirt before hurrying to pull it the rest of the way on, Joe losing sight of the glint of metal.

"...some." James answered quietly.

"Hmm.... too heavy could strain the shoulders. Joe can do wonders if you'd like to ease some of that."

The blankets rustled softly as Joe stirred behind him, then propped himself up on an elbow to look down at Nicky, with a soft smile. "Volunteering me again, habibi?"

"I'm just singing your praises, as you deserve," Nicky answered softly. Joe grinned and leaned further down to kiss him softly and sweetly.

"Enough of that now, you'll make our host uncomfortable," Nicky said, blushing, and a small part of himself worried despite already knowing James didn't care.

"Jealous is more like it," Joe said, but he rolled away and stood, cracking his back with a yawn. Nicky looked away to slide out of the bed and caught James looking at them with such a fierce, hopeless longing on his face that it was heartbreaking to see.

James didn't even know who he was. He likely didn't have anybody. At all. And Nicky knew that the idea of not having Joe, Andy or Booker was terrifying. The fact that he and Joe had discovered their immortality together and had - slowly - become allies first, then friends, then more... 

As much as he liked to say it was destiny, Nicky’s faith in a higher power had fled with the crusades, and him and Joe had been sheer dumb luck. There were only 5 of them (he still counted Quynh, still hoped for a day that they'd find and rescue her) in a world of millions. It would have been such a lonely existence.

He only had to look at Andy to know it.

James caught his eye and paled, looking away, his face going blank in a way that made Nicky shudder even as he dragged his clothes on. Joe caught it, raised his eyebrow and Nicky nodded his head at James who was now stood frozen staring out the window.

"James, what's wrong?" Joe asked. "Was Nicky right? Did we make you uncomfortable?"

James shook his head and turned back. "It is only that, you both have something special. It makes my heart.... ache? I'm not sure. And then... for a second I forgot. You caught me staring and I thought... but you're not them." James’s words started hesitant but ended more firmly. "I won't be punished for showing emotions."

Nicky let his now socked feet drop to the floor with quiet, indrawn breath, not quite a gasp. He heard Joe mutter behind him, words James would not understand. 

"Never be afraid to show your true self, James. Especially among friends."

"Are we?" James asked, and now there was a plaintive, hopeful note in his voice.

"We are if you want us to be," Nicky assured him, getting up and joining James by the window. Joe wasn't far behind.

“I do want that,” James said, his voice so quiet Nicky had to strain to hear it. On instinct, he reached for James and pulled him in. James startled, at first, going stiff before slumping into Nicky’s arms. Joe joined them, careful not to cage him in, hugging from the side instead of behind so that James could easily break free if it became too much.

James shuddered in Nicky’s grasp, but didn’t make a sound, only his breathing growing a little more ragged. Silent crying – despite what he’d said, what  _ they’d  _ said…

Joe’s arm shifted and began to rub at James’s back as Nicky whispered words of comfort. Eventually James stilled and Joe broke the silence.

“Are we sleeping standing up, going back to bed or are we ready for breakfast?”

Nicky snorted as James pulled away, already apologizing.

“Do not,” Joe said. “There is nothing to be ashamed of, no reason to apologize. Now come on, I am  _ starving. _ ”

“You are not,” Nicky said with a grin, already ushering them both out of the door. Immediately, he and James both went for the kitchen. While Joe added wood to the fire. James began rooting around for food, Nicky getting the water boiling for coffee.When Joe rejoined them, he leaned back against the countertop and watched them working together with a smile. “Hashbrowns again?”

“There is a wonderful abundance of potato, Joe,” Nicky said. “And it is a good breakfast food.” He set aside the onions he’d been cutting to slide a mug over at Joe.

“Shukraan lakum,” he said, leaning over to kiss Nicky before turning to his coffee. It was quiet then, companionable silence, before James paused suddenly while peeling potatoes. He looked up at them, startled. "I think my name  _ was _ James," he said. 

Nicky and Joe blinked at him then Joe chuckled as Nicky said, "Well, I think we were meant to find you, or you us, because that is quite the coincidence."

"Have you remembered other things, things from your life before?"

James looked thoughtful, then shrugged, returning to his peeling. "A little. Just flashes. A scrawny kid always getting into fights. A uniform. A ... flying car? Potatoes, lots of potatoes. Rations too. And a woman, no, two? My ma, maybe, and someone else. I think they taught me how to cook."

"I think you're American," Joe said. "You have a lilt, I’ve heard it before. You're a long way from home. I wonder why you're in Romania."

"American?"He bit his lip. "Huh. Okay. That... sounds right. Brooklyn, I think?  _ Not  _ Jersey.

Joe burst into laughter this time and even Nicky grinned, "Oh yeah, with that accent and attitude, you are definitely from Brooklyn."

"Or at least close by," Joe added.

Something in James's posture relaxed a little. "It feels good to know where I’m from," he said. 

"So how did you get  _ here _ , James?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. I escaped. I ran. I found myself here, then talked the owner into letting me watch the place when she left for the season." James looked around. "To be honest, I wasn’t even sure where here  _ was _ until you mentioned Romania. I didn't dare ask the lady who let me stay."

At the worried glances Joe and Nicky exchanged, James smiled wryly. "Don't worry, this area is filled with homes that get rented out during the nicer months. No one will notice us."

"You won't be able to stay here," Joe pointed out. Once the weather grows nice again -"

James sighed. "I know... but... by then, maybe I'll have my head on straight again. Remember what's missing, how to stay safe?"

"I hope so," Nicky said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if it is right - i hope it is!  
> Google translate tells me that “Shukraan lakum" is Arabic for Thank You


	4. Chapter 4

The morning and the afternoon passed quietly. Nicky took stock of the kitchen and supplies, musing about future meals and planning ahead. Joe seemed content enough to curl up on the sofa in front of the fire with a book or two and James… James seemed to wander about, not able to settle on anything.

Not for the first time, Nicky liked the open feel of the kitchen and living room of the house, allowing him to work in the kitchen and still keep tabs on everyone else.

So of course, when James disappeared, Nicky noticed. He looked around the room, frowning, but he reminded himself that James wasn’t his responsibility, last night notwithstanding.

He brought Joe some tea, and Joe leaned in for a kiss.

“Thoughtful as always,” Joe said, a twinkle in his eyes. 

“For you, cuore mio, I shall ever be,” Nicky answered.

“Sit with me?” Joe asked.

“Un momento,” Nicky said. “I would like to change first.”

“Be quick? _I_ would like to hold you,” Joe said, winking at him. 

Nicky blushed and laughed, nodding. “Of course.”

He pulled away from Joe, letting his fingers trail on Joe’s skin as he did, then walked out the bedroom. He paused as he passed the bathroom, finding James there, door wide open, standing in front of the mirror and fussing with his hair.

"What are you doing?"

"I remember my hair being shorter, slicked back some. I was trying to..." James grew frustrated as his hair fell over his eyes again. It wasn’t quite long, but neither was it short and it was shaggy, like it hadn't seen a cut in a while and whoever had cut it last hadn't cared what it looked like.

Changing forgotten, Nicky stepped inside the bathroom and looked into James's gray eyes through the mirror.

"Sit," Nicky said. "Let me."

James dropped down to sit on the closest surface, and Nicky reached out to card his hands through James's hair, getting a feel for it.

"I could cut it, if you wanted?" he asked. "Might not look like how you remember, but I can get it out of your eyes."

"Please," he asked, voice quiet. James didn't look up until Nicky put his finger under James's chin and urged him to. The bathroom cabinet proved to have a pair of scissors, and he soon lost himself in the cutting, watching the dark brown strands of hair falling around them.

Without turning, he knew the instant Joe had joined them, when James's eyes flicked behind Nicky to alight on something else. He was probably interested to see what had snagged Nicky away from him.

Nicky finished with a flourish, putting a fresh bit of gel into James's hair before running his fingers through it this way, then that till he was satisfied. He stepped back into Joe's arms, Joe bringing his chin down to rest on Nicky's shoulder.

"Hmm, Joe, does he not look very handsome like that?"

"He does. I am very lucky, snowed in with two of the most handsomest men I know."

James blushed and ducked his head.

"Go on," Nicky encouraged. "Look, tell me what you think."

James turned and stared, eyes darting between Joe and Nicky, somewhat panicked now. "I... what? But you..."

"It's okay," Nicky was quick to reassure, "Nothing can get between us, but occasionally, we do like to share. If we find someone we both like."

"And you can say no," said Joe. "We won’t be offended. You’re allowed choices."

"And you can always change your mind, do not forget."

James thought about it, biting his lip and Nicky leaned back into Joe, hoping they weren't pushing too much, too fast. They just wanted to give him something good, if he wanted it. There was genuine attraction there too, which didn't hurt either.

"I can?"

"Of course you can," Joe said.

"Okay," James said, blowing out a breath. "Okay, then, yes, I’d like to, I’d like a kiss." he looked at them. "Both of you?"

"If you want us both, we're amenable," Nicky said. "We wouldn't have suggested otherwise. But you don't have to take us both up on it."

"Then... both, if you're sure," he said, starting to look more confident as he said it.

Nicky felt a swoop in his belly and tried to ignore it, even as he felt Joe grin against his neck before placing a kiss on it and stepping back. 

"Let us at least go somewhere more... appropriate," Joe suggested. 

The uncertain look was back on James's face.

Nicky held out his hand. "Just the couch, mio caro. Just a kiss right now, remember?"

James gave a small laugh and a wry grin as he accepted Nicky's hand, his accent suddenly growing a little thicker as he spoke. "Well, I dunno. My memory seems to be swiss cheese. I might have, for at least a second."

It was rusty, perhaps, but it was still a joke all the same and Joe and Nicky grinned at it, before the three of them moved to the couch, cozying up together in front of the fire.

The first kisses were tentative, like he was unsure of what he was doing, or his welcome or a little of both. But they quickly changed, becoming more sure, more confident, though no less tender, as Joe and Nicky both tried to pour as much softness and kindness as they could into each press of lips, every swipe of tongue.

They had plenty of practice on each other. Millenia of worshipping each other's body, mind, and soul. Some might call it sacrilege, but Joe and Nicky thought love was perhaps one of the closest ways a mortal could get to being divine as there could be.

* * *

The following weeks passed in a slow, content blur. It was, perhaps, not the vacation that Joe and Nicky had planned, James being an unexpected crasher to the party, but it was pleasant nonetheless. 

They advanced from kissing James to something a little more substantial in slow stages, but that was okay. Sex wasn’t the only love language in the world. Nicky loved to take care of people, but he usually had only his core family to take care of and having the addition of James who would flush in pleasure any time Nicky did something nice for him made _Nicky_ feel good, like he was making a difference to James. Often, Joe would read with James, or to James, while James listened avidly. This soon turned into Joe teaching him other languages, James soaking it up like a sponge. 

Sometimes, Nicky thought Joe should have been a teacher.

James had difficult moments, and bad dreams - nothing he would (or could) talk about, but Nicky and Joe were there for him. If HYDRA had had their hands on him, it was no wonder nightmares plagued James.

It was, all in all, pretty idyllic, all things considered, despite the shadow of HYDRA. And maybe they should be warier about that, about staying there, but they were in the middle of nowhere and the snow had pretty solidly packed them in. It would take a great deal of effort to remove themselves and go somewhere else.

* * *

As the three of them continued to coexist in a strange, blissful bubble that reminded Nicky of the old days, when people were further apart than they were now, Nicky watched James the way he loved to watch Joe. The way James moved was powerful, a deceptive grace that spoke of intense training. It was hypnotic, almost.

Despite the confidence in which he moved, James was far less confident in his appearance, seeking to hide the scars that marred the left side of his body, heavily concentrated about his shoulder.

“The two of you are so perfect,” James whispered.

“Far from it,” Joe said. “Our imperfections are simply… not as visible, perhaps.”

James let them maneuver him onto the bed and Joe straddled his back, giving his shoulders a good, through rub, digging in deep with the heels of his palms and his fingers both. James let out a long groan.

“Jesus, doll, that feels _fantastic,”_ he said, slipping into that Brooklyn accent again. He did that often, Nicky had noticed, his accent going in and out and sometimes with Russian words sprinkled in between. It was something natural among the immortals that he rarely experienced outside their little group – a side effect of all the centuries they’d lived, all the languages they’ve learned, all the roles they had taken on.

It was unusual. Nicky slid into the bed beside James and traded lazy kisses with him, letting Joe’s handiwork turn James into a puddle of contentment.

“I told you, his hands are something else, yes?” Nicky said.

James hummed his agreement, turning to nuzzle into Nicky. Nicky loved this, how comfortable James had gotten with them and with physical intimacy with them, despite his body shyness. Time passed like that, soft and hazy and warm, until the massage had changed into something a little more sensuous, a little more heated.

Joe turned James over to his back, pressing kisses into his neck, along his throat, James arching his head to give Joe access. Joe had a weakness for necks, as Nicky knew fondly, spreading his own kisses down the scar tissue of James’s arm. Watching that, how easily James fit with them was amazing. Seeing how pliable he was in their hands was also something truly incredible, especially knowing he’d chosen to be, had become that _comfortable_ with them in only a few short weeks.

James squirmed under their lips, but more from stimulation rather than to get away, Nicky thought. He panted and groaned softly.

“Shhh…” Joe whispered, “Let my sweet Nicky take care of you.”

“The two of you,” James breathed... “Are you a dream? I dont think anyones treated me so good.”

“Does this not feel real?” Joe asked, mouth moving over James's arched throat.

“It feels... it feels…” Nicky moved lower and James cut off with a moan.

It was a while later that James was coherent enough again, and said, "It feels too good to be real, and I haven't had anything good, in so long. I keep expecting you both to be mirages, figments of my own desperate imagination. You're too perfect to be anything else and... I don't want to wake up, because if that's true, then whatever is waiting for me is nothing I want to go back to."

"Ah, mio caro, you deserve so much better than these fears. We are real, I assure you," Nicky said, though a part of him wondered what would happen when they were gone, what would happen to James. If he already thought they were illusions of his own mind... it would be so easy to slip away when it was time, to leave his life with little to no suspicions raised.

But Nicky was finding himself, for the first time in a long, _long_ time, reluctant to take that road. It was no little troubling to think on. To think of James alone, hurting, certain that only bad things were real, or that he was only deserving of the bad stuff. 

It worried Nicky throughout their nap, through cleaning up, through dinner. It worried him all the way to the sofa, where he sought comfort in Joe and watched James bustling about to keep busy. 

Nicky watched him moving, only half clothed, proudly displaying the marks that Joe and Nicky had left on him, occasionally stopping to admire one or another of them, smiling down at it softly, then turning to look at them and blushing. It was during one of those moments that Nicky realized something odd.

It had been only a few hours and already most of the bruises were gone, and even the especially fine one Joe had left on James’s collarbone looked like it was days old.

Shook, Nicky leaned back into Joe, talking softly in his native tongue, Joe responding in kind.

_‘He is not like us, we would know it. There have been no dreams, and yet_ …’ Nicky sat on the couch with a sigh. Joe pulled him into his arms, laying Nicky back against him.

‘ _And yet there_ **_is_ ** _something different about him_ ,’ Joe agreed.

_‘We should take him with us when we leave. He cannot stay here in any case, and I do not like thinking he is vulnerable.’_

_‘Andy will not like it.’_

_‘I know, but there is something strange afoot and I think she'd understand. Maybe he is something new? In which case, should we not learn all we can?’_

_‘He's not one of us. He'll grow old and die and he’ll curse our names, he'll grow to hate us, and I do not think I want to see the day he does. I’ve seen what it does to Booker, for all that he hides it. I don’t think I could take that heartache,_ ” Joe said softly. “ _Or seeing you with your heart broken. Nicolo, I think that would break me even more.’_

_‘We have each other, I think I could manage that heart ache for the chance to give him some happiness. He's a lost soul, Joe, more like us than I think we know. He heals…’_

_‘But he can still die -’_

_‘He is alone, Yusuf, and I will not rest easy not knowing that he’s okay.’_

Joe was silent as Nicky lay his head on his chest. Joe rubbed circles along his arms though his shirt.

_‘I know,_ ’ Joe said, both of them watching as the subject of their conversation poke at the fire. _‘When the time comes, we’ll ask him.’_

Nicky made to protest but Joe shushed him. ‘C _hoices, Nicky. Whatever has happened to him, he still deserves them.’_

Sighing, Nicky nodded. ‘ _You're right of course.’_

They continued to watch James as he puttered about the space, putting it to rights. James had so much more energy to spare than either of them did, needing to burn it off more, all while he slept a little less. They went through food faster than Nicky had expected, too, after he’d checked what they had. And he was sweet and thoughtful to them both in equal measure. Unlike lovers in the past, James was not jealous of the special bond Nicky and Joe shared. He seemed to revel in it, bask in it.

He was something truly special.

Joe nuzzled into Nicky’s neck sleepily, bringing his attention back to Joe. ‘ _Be loving but do not fall in love with him habibi, it will only bring you heartache when he inevitably passes_ ,’ Joe advised.

‘ _You say as if you were not halfway there yourself_ ,’ Nicky said chidingly.

Finally, James seemed to finish his current, self appointed task and Nicky reached for him as he passed them. James let himself get caught, let himself be reeled into them as he tucked himself against them. 

“Watching you makes me tired,” Joe said with a smile. “Be with us for a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky's italian - according to google: *crosses fingers*
> 
> cuore mio - my heart  
> Un momento - one moment  
> mio caro - my dear


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNHAPPY ENDING REMINDER (Spoilers)  
> Remember that this story takes place before BOTH movies (old Guard and Winter soldier) so there is an unhappy ending for *one* of these boys.
> 
> there will be multiple parts to this story where things will get better and I've created a series to follow if you're interested in more. part 2 is a really short interlude and part 3 is already longer than both parts 1 and 2 combined and ALMOST done - and waiting for beta.
> 
> FORMATTING NOTE - there is a section here that has multiple ellipses - it's on purpose, to show the passing of time without breaking the scene.

There was much Joe and Nicky couldn't talk about, but they were used to that. Still, they would often tell tales that would have James in stitches and sometimes he would tell tales of his own, though haltingly. 

They were little things, of family and home, the kinds of things Joe and Nicky had forgotten from their own lives. They had family now, sure, but it wasn’t the same kind of family. Not that it was any less of a family, just different. And their homes were often fleeting, now, with the occasional safe house they would return to when they needed a rest. More often, for Nicky, home was wherever Joe was.

Currently, that home was right here, where Nicky was watching James ‘chop’ wood again to burn off energy. Thick flakes hit the glass.

"More snow," Nicky noted.

Joe groaned, wrapping his arms around Nicky and peering through the window. "I am tired of the snow, why did I let you convince me to come to Romania again?"

"I remember a time when you were fascinated by the snow," Nicky said fondly. "What was it you called it? A sparkling blanket of cool serenity laid over the world."

"I was a fool," Joe said but his eyes were twinkling, he hadn't meant it. He grew serious again. " We should probably start planning how to leave, and when. See if we can convince James to come with us.”

“Do you think he would argue?” Nicky asked. 

“Mmm… I’m not sure,” Joe mused. “But if anyone could convince him, it would be you, with your kind brilliance and bright heart.”

Nicky chuckled and leaned back into Joe. He’d long ceased to argue with how Joe saw him. He loved Joe just as much and you could not convince him otherwise. “You should be the one to do it, with your poetry, your gift of words.”

In response Joe nuzzled into Nicky’s neck, mouthing at the spot along Nicky’s throat that always caused a delightful shiver to roll through him.

Nicky was already so happy, with Joe at his side, an eternal love. He’d been filled with this love, this happy contentedness for longer than most people could even imagine. James would be a bright candle in that time, gone far too soon, but they would love him all the same for the time they had.

Neither Nicky nor Joe had ever denied themselves the pleasure of another's company, another's love, if they found one that fit with them, that could handle the truths of their lives, despite knowing it wouldn't last. At least they had each other to pull them through their grief when the time came.

With those thoughts in his head, dinner was a quiet affair. Joe had caught the somberness of Nicky's thoughts but James had not, at least. He was in a good mood, singing softly as he cooked, as they cleaned up after, though he couldn't tell you what it was he sang. Joe shrugged at Nicky. He didn't know either. It sounded familiar to Nicky but at this point, so many things looked and sounded familiar. Bits of things that would catch his ears and eyes and remind him of something or someone long since forgotten.

They'd lived a long time. It was inevitable that some things began to blur. He couldn't begin to fathom how much worse it had to be for Andy, for as long as she'd lived.

That evening, James - as if he’d sensed Nicky’s melancholy (hey, he was old, he was entitled to it on occasion) - was the one who initiated things between them, laying Nicky out and following Joe’s whispered instructions to take him apart in the most joyous of ways. In turn, Joe and Nicky lavished their attention and love over James, worshipping each bit of bared skin and harsh scar with soft caresses, murmured words and  hungry  kisses, till they’d left him sated and content, drowsy with bliss. It was a job well done, Nicky thought to himself, pleased as could be as they settled in to sleep, tangled up together in the best of ways.

* * *

When morning came, Nicky poked through the cupboards with a frown, and the fridge wasn’t in a much better state.

"What is it, habibi?" Joe asked, arms coming around behind him.

"Not enough food."

"We’ve survived lean times before," Joe reminded him. 

Nicky slid his eyes over to James, just now padding out of the bathroom, hair still wet, and switched to Arabic.

_ 'Not if we don't want to reveal just how different we are, Yusuf. And not with the way our new friend eats.’ _

_ 'Hmm... he does rather eat a lot. What are you suggesting? _ '

_ 'Take the rifle, go out hunting. There's plenty of forest up here, bound to be something. And it'd be better if it was one of us, if there's still people looking for him.' _

_ ‘Good point,’ _ Joe mused.  _ 'I don’t like you setting out alone, but despite you needing a rescue not too long ago, you are still a little better suited to the cold then I am.' _

Nicky rolled his eyes at Joe and laughed. It was an old joke between them.

"What are the two of you planning?" James asked sleepily as he joined them.

"Breakfast," Nicky said cheerfully. "Then after, I’m going to go out looking for supplies."

James’s face got an adorably concerned look on it as he helped Nicky with breakfast. "Is that... wise?" He looked out the window, at the layers of snow blanketing the ground.

"If I am better prepared for the weather then when you found me, I’ll be fine," Nicky grumped, knowing that James was thinking of the night they met.

"Do not worry, James," Joe said, giving them space to work, going for the table. Nicky missed his arms instantly and stole a kiss on Joe's way. Joe melted as he usually did, giving Nicky one of  _ those _ smiles. "He is more than capable of providing for us both. He has done so for many years."

Many,  _ many _ years, Nicky thought. It was something he loved to do, taking care of Joe. As Joe did him in return.

After breakfast, James fussed even more than Joe as Nicky prepared to go out, getting him warmer coats, advising him to wear layers, finding a beat up old thermos and filling it with something warm.

The two of them gave Nicky farewell kisses, Joe whispering 'luck' to him as he did. James lingered and Nicky thought how strange it was that he was already so addicted to James's kisses the way he was with Joe's. 

"I'll be fine, loves," he said, flashing them a smile. "I'm not going off to war, you know. Deer don’t shoot back."

And Joe  _ did _ know and he chuckled, but something pained flashed over James's face, something that was mixed with confusion. He stepped back with a small frown and shake of his head.

With a last round of kisses, a last wind of a scarf and the admonishment “Take care of each other while I am gone,” Nicky slipped out the door.

Nicky expected to have to go a little ways out from where they'd been holed up. While the summer houses were fairly far and few between - he certainly didn't see any on his way in and wasn't seeing much of anything on the way back out - it was still a semi populated area. 

What he hadn't expected was to go as far as he did. The back of his neck prickled nearly the whole way but he didn't hear or see anything. Reminding himself that HYDRA had lost James and might still be looking for him, Nicky took extra caution as he crunched through knee deep snow. HYDRA or not, they’d need more food. This was a risk they had to take.

This first trip out might prove fruitless. It might be a better idea to scout around for good areas to set up a blind. He could do both at the same time though.

Movement caught the corner of his eye and he carefully turned, looking through his scope. Patience was a good quality to have, whether hunting  _ or _ sniping, and Nicky had cultivated that skill over centuries. He eased into position and waited, watching the deer moving through the trees, looking for the best shot that would cause the least pain.

Nicky didn't believe in lingering deaths.

Counting, eyes following the deer as it moseyed along, Nicky lined it up and finally let out a breath, taking the shot.

The deer dropped instantly and Nicky was moving a split second after, but instinct had him freeze half a footstep from breaking cover to reach the deer. He stretched his senses, trying to figure out why…

Then more noise, more movement came to him and Nicky knew at once that he was no longer alone, and it wasn't only forest dwelling creatures around him any longer. 

Men.

A lot of them. And Nicky had just revealed himself with the shot.

Where had they come from? There was no strategic value where they were, it was one of the reasons Nicky and Joe had randomly chosen this one place to lay low and just relax a bit. It  _ could _ be other hunters, people who hunted for sport and enjoyed the fresh game.

But James -

James was here.

So, this was likely HYDRA. Nicky, having relaxed his grip on his rifle, eased it back up, trying to move as silently as he knew how, looking about where he was and attempting to gauge how many were out there.

The answer was, too many.

They surged forward with a shout from nearly all sides, only Nicky's back free of attackers. But he hadn’t come out here armed for a fight and that had been his mistake. Not that Nicky would make this easy for them. He dropped 4 with the rifle before they were in too close, then he pulled the knife he'd brought.

Hindered as he was by the snow, Nicky still managed to take down another 7 before they dogpiled him, dragging him to the ground and wrenching his arms behind his back. He still kicked out with a growl, snapping another man’s kneecap with grim satisfaction, and then there was a barrel in his face and Nicky knew how this would go.

The world went black.

...

...

...

...

It was likely only moments later when his body seized and he coughed himself awake, eyes flashing open onto white, white, white, and men standing over him - a dark space in all that white - their faces lit with a terrible sort of glee, the kind that never spelled anything good.

This... was not ideal.

The thought was only confirmed when he was dragged up out of the snow and shoved forward with a harsh command to walk. He could only hope that Joe and James hadn't been discovered the way he had, that he had gone far enough away while hunting that HYDRA had no idea they were there.

He held back a groan. It wasn't that simple, of course. Nicky had left a trail - the hazards of snow and making your own beaten path. They could easily follow it straight to his husband and their new lover - the very man HYDRA was looking for.

And it was no doubt that these men were HYDRA. They were subtle, but he could see the many armed sigil peeking around the collars of one or two of them.

Joe could survive a lot, but he wouldn't know HYDRA was coming. And what would happen to James?

Nicky knew whatever happened, he would not be in HYDRA's grasp for long. Joe wouldn't allow it. There were few things as fearsomely spectacular as Joe when his protective side reared.

It was a long slog to where HYDRA had holed up, nearly as long as it had taken Nicky to get where he’d felled the deer. It looked to be another summer home with a yard that would be dreadful to look at when the snow melted, with all the tents and men that had taken it over and churning it up.

Nicky felt a pang for the owners, knowing it would only get worse if there was a rescue. 

He was dragged into the building and shoved into a large, rear room with two windows at the back. There was a chair, like none he'd ever seen before, a great metal contraption, hooked up to so many wires and other machinery that he knew there was no way the little house could power it. They must have been getting more energy from somewhere. A generator, perhaps?

The door shut behind him and his guards, and Nicky went back on the offensive, now that there were fewer of them, now he wasn't pushing through snow and they'd been - hopefully - lulled off guard. His hands may have been bound, but he'd been able to fight his way free from such shackles before.

Never mind that it was usually with Joe at his side, the two of them fighting together in a symbiotic, seamless manner garnered from centuries together.

He snapped his head back into the guard behind him, ignoring the sharp pain with long practice. Then he lunged to the side, swinging out a leg to catch a second, sending him down to the floor. Everything was off to a good start but then Nicky was yanked back and slammed face first into a wall. Nicky's breath let out in an explosive woosh as they ground him painfully against the surface.

"We can handle The Asset and you think a little pissant like you will take us out?" the man holding him against the wall sneered into his ear, all too close. Nicky winced at the hot breath. 

"Word of advice, I think you could benefit from some breath mints," Nicky said. His head was pulled back and smashed into the wall in response.

"Talks back more than The Asset does," Someone muttered.

“Certainly got more life in him,” another said. Nicky almost snorted at that. Little did they know…

"Well, the chair will take care of that. Fry his brain for good, make him the perfect, biddable weapon."

"You think that'll work? This guy healed up from a bullet to the head. He should be dead!"

"So should The Asset. Chair works on him just fine."

The Asset - they were talking about James.  _ Oh god _ , Nicky thought. The things James had gone through... fuck, but Nicky  _ really _ hated HYDRA.

This time taking no chances, the men wrestled Nicky into the chair together, strapping him in place securely before stepping back and taking their places, hands on their weapons. Nicky let his head fall back on the chair and looked about the room a little more. It had obviously once been a master bedroom, but all the furniture had been taken out to make room for whatever this monstrosity was. People in lab coats – actual lab coats – were there, messing with the dials and murmuring to themselves. Another man came in and pulled a scientist aside, talking too low for Nicky to hear, but he was sure he knew what they said.

The man was probably explaining all about Nicky’s miraculous recovery. Damn, but this could get bad. HYDRA getting their hands on any one of them would be a disaster. Letting any one of  _ them _ walk out of here with the knowledge immortals even existed wouldn’t be much better.

He hoped Joe and some backup could get here soon. Nicky tried to remember where Andy and Booker were at that moment – but he knew they were really too far away to get there in a timely manner.

If there was one thing being a soldier - and an immortal - did, it was that one learned how to take sleep when they could, and Nicky did just that as they seemed content on ignoring him for now. He had the feeling he’d need his strength for this one.

* * *

He awoke to searing, mind numbing pain, a pain unlike anything he had ever felt. Electricity rocketed through his body, dug into his brain and Nicky couldn’t help the scream that echoed through the room.

The first burst of agony was over quickly but seemed to last an age. A man in a lab coat stood by with a clipboard marking things down. There was talk around him, talk Nicky didn't understand. It wasn't a language, it was science, though one could argue that was a language all of its own. Nicky wasn’t in the mood to argue. But he did spit out the blood in his mouth from when he’d bitten down on his tongue. The cut had already healed, but his head still felt a little fuzzy.

"Again," the scientist said. Nicky's body stiffened as soon as the electrical current began again. Every nerve was on fire in a way he had never felt before, certainly not in the more pleasant way that Joe often lit Nicky up. 

Nicky lost all track of time as they continued to shock him at indeterminate intervals for varying lengths of time. He found pieces of himself slipping away, coming back and slipping away again.

He knew it was his own immortal healing keeping hold of his memories as they tried to vanish. This was what they had done to James. It was no wonder the man could remember nothing...

Nicky wanted nothing more to curl up in Joe's arms right now, bring James into their circle and protect him from further damage by these cruel and immoral  _ cretini _ , these torturers hiding behind their cause . 

Between bouts with the chair, as his memories and alertness fluxed, he daydreamed about just that. About killing every last HYDRA agent in the room. The scientist, he thought muzzily, should go first, to prevent the continuing torture. Then the guards by the door - 

When something  _ did _ start happening, it took Nicky far too long to realize it wasn't just his imagination, that Joe and James were  _ there _ like avenging angels.

Helpless to move, Nicky saw Joe go down and he felt rage and fear - what if they got to Joe before he healed up? While Nicky was still tied up and unable to be at his side, to fight for him?

Then Joe was up again and James was suddenly in Nicky’s face, concern, guilt, confusion and grim determination lining it as he unstrapped Nicky from the chair.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "This was... this was all my fault. They got you because of me."

Nicky ran his free hand over James's face briefly, cupping his jaw and said. "No. It is they who should be sorry." He grinned at James, feeling more than a little feral. "So let us  _ make _ them sorry, for what they have done to me, what they have done to you, and all the further evils they planned for us."

James shuddered, but his hands didn't stop moving till Nicky was free once more, and then James was handing him a gun and - still a little woozy - Nicky joined in the fight, taking out the last guard standing over Joe. 

The dustup hadn't been quiet, and Nicky could hear shouting getting closer. 

"We need to get out of here," he said. Looking directly at Joe as he handed Nicky his blade, "And we need to make sure none of  _ them _ do. Joe, they  _ know _ ."

Joe cursed i n Arabic - _his_ Arabic, which was like music to Nicky's ears (normally) - reaching for Nicky to reassure him and James was looking at them with wide eyes and a pale face.

Then Nicky remembered that Joe had gone down during the fight. Joe had probably died right then and there, and if James had seen - 

Then James knew too.

"James..." Nicky whispered. Horror clutched at him, because they would have needed to tell James eventually, but Nicky and Joe had hoped to ease him into it.

"I'm not going to ask," James said finally, his jaw setting with determination. "The less I know, the safer it is for you when HYDRA gets their hands on me again."

When. Not if.

"We will not let that happen," Joe said. "We're not trading one life for another."

James flashed him a rueful smile. "HYDRA may have messed with me so much I don't even know how old I am, but I can still die. I can still escape them. And I will not let them get their hands on either of you. Not when you don't have the same option."

Nicky swallowed, tears rising unbidden. This wasn't supposed to be happening. They were supposed to bring James back with them.

The shouts got closer. Time was running out - it was amazing they’d had this much, but Nicky supposed James and Joe had done something on the way in to cause maximum distraction. He'd been too out of it from the chair to even realize.

Nicky's instincts started screaming at him. "What are you going to do?"

“The only thing I can to keep the two of you safe. I'm going to kill everyone here, then blow this place to hell, make sure anyone who knows your secret doesn’t survive to tell the tale. Then…”

"You're going to turn yourself over to them." Nicky said it flatly.

Joe looked just as askance as Nicky felt. “No, James, come with us. We can protect you."

James shook his head. “They found you _ because  _ they were looking for me. They'll never stop. If I go with you, you'll always be in their sights. This is the only way. I will not let them have you. It would break me. I know the things they will do, the lengths they will go. A lifetime of that is far too much to endure, but several lifetimes? More? Go, get him out of here.”

Nicky wanted to argue, but it was James's choice, one of the few that had been left to the man. How could he take that away from him, however he didn't like it? Besides, Nicky still was feeling strangely slow from whatever it was the chair had done to his mind. His physical wounds had healed but he was still fuzzy around the edges, definitely not in top fighting form.

He might actually hinder rather than help, as they surely didn’t have time for this to wear off. What had HYDRA  _ done? _

Whatever they had done, it meant one thing - the only way out for sure was to use the time James planned to buy them by blowing the place up, but if he did that, they wouldn’t be able to linger as attention would be drawn to the area.

It would only highlight them rather than hide them. 

But  _ James… _

James’s face went cold, impassive and he stepped away from them. “Go! Or I’ll shoot both of you myself!”

Nicky grabbed for him with tears in his eyes. “I do not like this,” he said. “I do not want you in their hands again.”

“Once you’re safe, I won’t  _ let  _ them take me again,” James whispered. “You have my word, I’ll keep your secret safe if you can get yourselves free.”

Nicky pulled him into a kiss and James melted into it, wetness falling onto Nicky’s face. Then he was pulled away and Joe was taking his place, their kiss interrupted by shouting on the other side of the door. 

“Go, please,” James pleaded with them.

With a heavy heart, Nicky let Joe urge him towards the broken windows. A last look…

Then they were through the window and gone.

They got a fair distance away before the night sky lit up and Joe and Nicky paused to look back. There hadn’t been enough explosives to take out the house and the surrounding camp, so they knew they had to keep going. 

Their feet were glued to the ground.

“We just… left him there,” Nicky choked.

“He chose to stay,” Joe insisted. “We could not take the choice from him.” But he leaned into Nicky hard as they stared at the flickering glow oozing through the trees.

“He could still be alive,” Nicky said, without much hope.

Joe shook his head. “I don’t think so. He sounded…” he trailed off and Nicky knew what he meant. 

James was gone. Or as good as, just buying them time before he took the final step. Because in the brief time he’d known them, James knew if there was a chance he was still alive, they would look for him, despite the danger to their own lives.

He wasn’t wrong. 

Dead or not, Nicky knew they’d be looking, just to be sure. Because if he wasn’t, they weren’t going to leave him behind again. If there was a  _ chance _ they could save him, they’d get Andy and Booker on their side, they’d make a plan, and then they’d go after him and bring him home.

If they failed, if it was already too late, then at least he wasn’t an immortal. At least he wasn’t going to be trapped with HYDRA forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cretini - supposedly (plural) idiots in Italian (i say supposedly, because I got that off a list, but when I checked it on google translate (and then attempted to get the plural version) it turned out that google translate will translate that from Italian, but will NOT give you that word if you try to go from English. 
> 
> sooooo... i know the unhappy ending tag will scare folks away, but if you've braved it, what do you think? this is my first attempt at anything long for Old Guard and only my 3rd attempt for Old Guard at all, really, so I'm still learning/picking up how to write folks, so i always get worried when embarking into a new fandom.
> 
> Also, my SHIFT key is acting up again. It's driving me nuuuuuuts

**Author's Note:**

> Note that this story will not have a happy ending for one of the characters - just so that things line up for canon movie events in the future. There will eventually be a happy ending for everyone after those movie events. this is just a stop in the path.


End file.
